All Consuming...

They will never understand. They will never understand what it's like to be with someone for whom you are never good enough. No matter what you do, no matter what you say, no matter how hard you try. You will never be good enough. So you leave. Start over. Start your life over.

They will never know what it is like to have your life consumed by one person, one thing. To be consumed to the point where you know you would give them, it, your heart on a plate if they asked for it. But to still not be good enough...it tears you apart, shatters your faith in everything you believed was true, yet you hold on to that one shred of hope that things might change, might get better. But they don't. So you leave. Start over. Start your life over.

They will never understand what it is like to watch the thing you loved and cherished most in the world, in the wrong hands, ripping it to shreds, with not a thought about what could happen to it, the children in it. All in the name of power, glory, glamour, fame, for themselves. So you leave. Start over. Start your life over.

They will never understand what it is like to start your life over. To lose yourself completely and then spend years afterwards finding yourself, wondering who you are, why you are here, and what you will possibly do without their presence, its presence, in your life. You lose all sense of identity, wonder what to do with yourself, your life. So you leave completely. Start your life over in a new place, with new people and hopefully, a fresh new start.

So why is it then that you are the guilty party? Why are you condemned to a life of gossip, of hostility from the other side, when you have seemingly done nothing wrong? You walk into a room with them in it and it's like you can cut the tension with a knife. So you leave. What is the point? You are then condemned to being stuck up, to never turning up anywhere, never saying hello, keeping quiet, hidden, to yourself. It's a no win situation really.

All you can really do is carry on. Carry on knowing you were never good enough. Carry on knowing that while their life remains almost exactly the same, yours is the one that has changed - yet again. Rebuild your life, your identity, yourself. And hope that one day, you will be free. Free from all the thoughts, the feelings, the hostility.

Because some girls aren't meant to be tamed. They need someone just as wild (and free) to run with.

(Quote courtesy of Carrie Bradshaw, Sex and the City)