perfection
pəˈfɛkʃ(ə)n
noun
the state or quality of being perfect.
a person or thing considered to be perfect.
the action or process of improving something until it is faultless.
average
av(ə)rɪdʒ
noun
a number expressing the central or typical value in a set of data, in particular the mode, median, or (most commonly) the mean, which is calculated by dividing the sum of the values in the set by their number.
something ordinary and not very special.
Everyone strives for perfection. Everyone wants to be above average. For some, it's easier than others.
Having grown up constantly competing with a smarter sibling, high achievers and people who seem to sail through life with all the hard work they do or don't put into their work, and consistently getting average grades throughout, starts to make you feel like you're never going to be good enough - or anything enough.
No matter how hard you work, how many hours and weeks and days you put in, it will just never be enough to win that prize or get that coveted A grade. It won't be enough to get into that university you always wanted to go to or do that course that could have made your life or get that job you're always dreamed of getting.
So instead, you settle for being Average. Getting Average grades, working Average jobs, living an Average life. Never expecting more from yourself, never daring to dream that one day, that glittering prize in the sky will be yours.
Because you aren't special. You're ordinary and you've had that drummed into you all throughout your childhood. "Why can't you be more like this, that and the other kid?" "Why can't you get better grades like your friends do?" "Why is everybody else so much better than you?"
You get the idea.
So you start to aim to be better. It starts off small - let's work a little harder, put a few more hours in.
Soon you're spending 10 hours a day in the library frantically trying to remember everything word perfect, so you can get those extra few marks that will possibly, miraculously get you that A you haven't had yet.
Soon you're putting in more hours than anybody else at work in the hope of getting that promotion, that pay rise, faster. You're doing everything that everyone asks you to do in the hope that someone will notice that you're the only one who ever says yes, who agrees to take on more and more and more so you can move up the career ladder faster than anyone else.
Soon you're helping with every single thing in the house, getting to it before anyone else, getting it done perfectly (or so you believe) hoping that someone will notice and finally tell you you're there.
Except, life doesn't work like that for you, does it?
You open your A-Level results. B, D, D. No A. Not even close to an A.
It's just not good enough yet. You're not trying hard enough.
You get called into your manager's office. They won't be promoting you this time but do xyz to get your score up and it's a definite for next time. Oh, that guy you've been helping and training, the one who started after you, will be moving up a level - you've done such a great job with him, well done!
It's just not good enough yet. You're not trying hard enough.
You get called upstairs. Why haven't you folded these properly? Look, this is how they should line up in the cupboard. You haven't cleaned it properly. Your rotlis aren't round enough. What will your in-laws say? How will you run your own home when you can't even get these basic things right here? (Most Indian girls will sympathise with this, I'm sure!) Why do you always have to be asked to help? Why can't you come and offer it? Why can't you read my mind and know exactly what I want, when I want it?
It's just not good enough yet. You're not trying hard enough.
Slowly it turns into an obsession. An obsession to become perfect, to know it all, to never give anyone the chance to complain again. The obsession to be better, be the first one to give the answer, be the first one to know everything, to be the one who people come to when they have a question rather than it being the other way around.
So you try harder. Harder than you've ever tried before, harder than even you believe you can go. You set yourself impossible standards, and fail, so get even more disheartened and at the same time, even more determined to keep trying, to never give up, to never let up for even a second in case someone gets ahead of you, gets there before you, does better than you so you feel like a failure all over again.
Never will you feel like a failure again.You constantly compare yourself to those better than you to work out how you can get there. You burn yourself out to beyond exhaustion, you cry yourself to sleep because you're still not quite there yet, you're still not good enough. So you vow to continue to improve yourself, and vow not to stop until you're faultless.
Everyone strives for perfection. Everyone wants to be above average. For some, it's easier than others.
Having grown up constantly competing with a smarter sibling, high achievers and people who seem to sail through life with all the hard work they do or don't put into their work, and consistently getting average grades throughout, starts to make you feel like you're never going to be good enough - or anything enough.
No matter how hard you work, how many hours and weeks and days you put in, it will just never be enough to win that prize or get that coveted A grade. It won't be enough to get into that university you always wanted to go to or do that course that could have made your life or get that job you're always dreamed of getting.
So instead, you settle for being Average. Getting Average grades, working Average jobs, living an Average life. Never expecting more from yourself, never daring to dream that one day, that glittering prize in the sky will be yours.
Because you aren't special. You're ordinary and you've had that drummed into you all throughout your childhood. "Why can't you be more like this, that and the other kid?" "Why can't you get better grades like your friends do?" "Why is everybody else so much better than you?"
You get the idea.
So you start to aim to be better. It starts off small - let's work a little harder, put a few more hours in.
Soon you're spending 10 hours a day in the library frantically trying to remember everything word perfect, so you can get those extra few marks that will possibly, miraculously get you that A you haven't had yet.
Soon you're putting in more hours than anybody else at work in the hope of getting that promotion, that pay rise, faster. You're doing everything that everyone asks you to do in the hope that someone will notice that you're the only one who ever says yes, who agrees to take on more and more and more so you can move up the career ladder faster than anyone else.
Soon you're helping with every single thing in the house, getting to it before anyone else, getting it done perfectly (or so you believe) hoping that someone will notice and finally tell you you're there.
Except, life doesn't work like that for you, does it?
You open your A-Level results. B, D, D. No A. Not even close to an A.
It's just not good enough yet. You're not trying hard enough.
You get called into your manager's office. They won't be promoting you this time but do xyz to get your score up and it's a definite for next time. Oh, that guy you've been helping and training, the one who started after you, will be moving up a level - you've done such a great job with him, well done!
It's just not good enough yet. You're not trying hard enough.
You get called upstairs. Why haven't you folded these properly? Look, this is how they should line up in the cupboard. You haven't cleaned it properly. Your rotlis aren't round enough. What will your in-laws say? How will you run your own home when you can't even get these basic things right here? (Most Indian girls will sympathise with this, I'm sure!) Why do you always have to be asked to help? Why can't you come and offer it? Why can't you read my mind and know exactly what I want, when I want it?
It's just not good enough yet. You're not trying hard enough.
Slowly it turns into an obsession. An obsession to become perfect, to know it all, to never give anyone the chance to complain again. The obsession to be better, be the first one to give the answer, be the first one to know everything, to be the one who people come to when they have a question rather than it being the other way around.
So you try harder. Harder than you've ever tried before, harder than even you believe you can go. You set yourself impossible standards, and fail, so get even more disheartened and at the same time, even more determined to keep trying, to never give up, to never let up for even a second in case someone gets ahead of you, gets there before you, does better than you so you feel like a failure all over again.
Never will you feel like a failure again.You constantly compare yourself to those better than you to work out how you can get there. You burn yourself out to beyond exhaustion, you cry yourself to sleep because you're still not quite there yet, you're still not good enough. So you vow to continue to improve yourself, and vow not to stop until you're faultless.
Failure is not an option.
And soon, you start to expect that from everyone around you. Especially the people you're closest to.
All to achieve that perfection.
You don't realise that no two people are the same, that there are so many things you're wonderful at.
You don't realise that your talents, your skills lay not in trying to be perfect, but being the best version of who you can be and utilising those other, non-academic, non-domestic, non-work-related talents.
Because your whole life it's been drummed into you that being less than perfect means you're not good enough. You're ordinary. You're not special.
Until you're perfect.
And soon, you start to expect that from everyone around you. Especially the people you're closest to.
All to achieve that perfection.
You don't realise that no two people are the same, that there are so many things you're wonderful at.
You don't realise that your talents, your skills lay not in trying to be perfect, but being the best version of who you can be and utilising those other, non-academic, non-domestic, non-work-related talents.
Because your whole life it's been drummed into you that being less than perfect means you're not good enough. You're ordinary. You're not special.
Until you're perfect.
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