Happy New Year! Wishing you a wonderful, fabulous 2014 filled with an abundance of love, joy and laughter - and prosperity of course!
My first post of the new year is about the conflicting messages we sometimes get as children (and perhaps even unknowingly pass on to ours) which can get rather confusing as we grow up to become mature, logical, practical adults...
I grew up in what my parents called 'Storybook World'. I was always 'off with the fairies' (so they thought), in my own world created from reading various books (mainly fiction for e.g. teenage romances novels) and movies (mainly cheesy, romantic Bollywood and Disney) - so you can understand perhaps why my thinking was so "idealistic" growing up, as my mum called it.
"Come into the real world," people would say. "Be more practical, stop running away with the fairies, get into reality otherwise you're going to find it pretty tough out there. Lead with your head, not your heart," were just some of the variations of the former I used to hear. Yet I refused to give up, leave my fairytale books, romances, films. Because they took me to a different world, a world from where I could escape the (sometimes secret) anguish of being bullied, of always being second best. They were worlds in which everything was always happy and positive, and if it wasn't, it wasn't yet the end. Romances which always ended in a 'happily ever after', books which always ended with a smile. The way I saw it, the more I could be happy in my own world, the less I would have to be miserable in the real one.
Time passed. Lessons learned. Situations made me more logical, practical, hardened. As time went on, I became more sceptical, less trusting and far less willing to be happy for the fear of it coming crushing down like it had for some time. At this time, I was told to be more positive, less practical, more idealistic and to lead with my heart in order to be happier. "Don't think too much," they said. "Just do it! Do it from your heart and soul, and you'll get there."
Is it any wonder one could now be confused as to how to be?! You grow up wanting to be in a positive state of mind, to escape the negativity of the world that you see even as a child. You so desperately want to do things which make you happy, even if it is as simple as reading a happy (albeit fiction as opposed to non-fiction, which in some people's eyes was SO much better because it was something constructive and not just a 'meaningless story') book or being lost in a world which totally only belongs to you, where you can be alone with your happy thoughts and away from people's negative ones. But at that time, you are berated for trying to create a happy environment in your mind and heart because it isn't the 'norm'. When I was growing up, you had to be clever, intelligent, do well at school in the 'good' subjects like Maths and Science. English was ok but English was the thing that introduced me to stories, to the world of books - which was dangerous since it was feared I would lose my grip on reality.
I didn't. Lose my grip on reality, I mean. Yes, I dreamed of a prince to take me away and live 'happily ever after' one day, but I also dreamed of a better world. A world in which people were kind to each other and didn't use or take advantage of others (although, of course, I didn't completely understand this at the time). A 'fairytale' world, some would say. Yet I always had one foot in reality - as you grow up, you realise it doesn't quite work the way it happens in fairytales. So you try to be the best version of you that you can be in order to try and make your world a happier one - because didn't Mahatma Gandhiji say, "You must be the change you want to see in the world." (Even if it is your own world!)
As an adult, you are told to 'be positive' and 'look on the bright side' no matter how bad things are, to make things seem better, to help you out of a negative state of mind. Yet when you set out to do the same thing as a child, you are told to be practical, logical, get in the real world. Are we then expecting children to be adults and adults to be children again? Where does the sense, the logic, the practicality lie in this...?
My first post of the new year is about the conflicting messages we sometimes get as children (and perhaps even unknowingly pass on to ours) which can get rather confusing as we grow up to become mature, logical, practical adults...
I grew up in what my parents called 'Storybook World'. I was always 'off with the fairies' (so they thought), in my own world created from reading various books (mainly fiction for e.g. teenage romances novels) and movies (mainly cheesy, romantic Bollywood and Disney) - so you can understand perhaps why my thinking was so "idealistic" growing up, as my mum called it.
"Come into the real world," people would say. "Be more practical, stop running away with the fairies, get into reality otherwise you're going to find it pretty tough out there. Lead with your head, not your heart," were just some of the variations of the former I used to hear. Yet I refused to give up, leave my fairytale books, romances, films. Because they took me to a different world, a world from where I could escape the (sometimes secret) anguish of being bullied, of always being second best. They were worlds in which everything was always happy and positive, and if it wasn't, it wasn't yet the end. Romances which always ended in a 'happily ever after', books which always ended with a smile. The way I saw it, the more I could be happy in my own world, the less I would have to be miserable in the real one.
Time passed. Lessons learned. Situations made me more logical, practical, hardened. As time went on, I became more sceptical, less trusting and far less willing to be happy for the fear of it coming crushing down like it had for some time. At this time, I was told to be more positive, less practical, more idealistic and to lead with my heart in order to be happier. "Don't think too much," they said. "Just do it! Do it from your heart and soul, and you'll get there."
Is it any wonder one could now be confused as to how to be?! You grow up wanting to be in a positive state of mind, to escape the negativity of the world that you see even as a child. You so desperately want to do things which make you happy, even if it is as simple as reading a happy (albeit fiction as opposed to non-fiction, which in some people's eyes was SO much better because it was something constructive and not just a 'meaningless story') book or being lost in a world which totally only belongs to you, where you can be alone with your happy thoughts and away from people's negative ones. But at that time, you are berated for trying to create a happy environment in your mind and heart because it isn't the 'norm'. When I was growing up, you had to be clever, intelligent, do well at school in the 'good' subjects like Maths and Science. English was ok but English was the thing that introduced me to stories, to the world of books - which was dangerous since it was feared I would lose my grip on reality.
I didn't. Lose my grip on reality, I mean. Yes, I dreamed of a prince to take me away and live 'happily ever after' one day, but I also dreamed of a better world. A world in which people were kind to each other and didn't use or take advantage of others (although, of course, I didn't completely understand this at the time). A 'fairytale' world, some would say. Yet I always had one foot in reality - as you grow up, you realise it doesn't quite work the way it happens in fairytales. So you try to be the best version of you that you can be in order to try and make your world a happier one - because didn't Mahatma Gandhiji say, "You must be the change you want to see in the world." (Even if it is your own world!)
As an adult, you are told to 'be positive' and 'look on the bright side' no matter how bad things are, to make things seem better, to help you out of a negative state of mind. Yet when you set out to do the same thing as a child, you are told to be practical, logical, get in the real world. Are we then expecting children to be adults and adults to be children again? Where does the sense, the logic, the practicality lie in this...?
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