Being Everything to Everyone

I like to think I’m the type of person who goes above and beyond what’s expected of her. I try to do the little things I know would mean a lot to me, never in the hope that it would be reciprocated. However, recently, it has felt like everyone wants me to be there for them, to support and encourage them, but when it comes to doing the same thing for me, people seem to shy away. Possibly not on purpose but still just as hurtful. As an example – I very recently stopped doing something very important because a loved one wanted a chat. Absolutely fine. When, however, he’d had his rant, and I wanted to talk about myself, he ‘remembered’ he had to do the dishes, and went. It’s this type of behaviour that I find extremely hurtful and I find myself wanting to not do nice things for people, not be there for them either, to see how they would feel.

So I’ve decided, for now, that I’m going to withdraw. Withdraw from doing so much, from being so much to everyone, that I forget I need someone too. I need help too, and if no one is willing to help, then I’ll just have to help myself. I'll either sink or swim and I’ll be damned if I ever allow myself to sink. I’ll be damned if I ever allow myself to be made a victim, because I’m not. I’m made of stronger stuff and I can’t believe I allowed myself to be drawn into other people’s negativity and allowed myself to feel completely alone. I am alone, I always have been, so it really shouldn’t come as a surprise now and it certainly shouldn’t hurt! I’m stronger alone.

I understand people are busy and have their own lives. Well, I do too. And from now on, that comes first. I come first. That isn’t selfish. I read a quote recently which said, “Being selfish isn’t wanting to do your own thing. Being selfish is expecting other people to do what you want.” I don’t expect anyone to do what I want. However, I am done putting everyone else first. No one else puts me first. From now on, I am number one. Not everyone else.

I have a saying. When you hit rock bottom, the only way can be up. It may take days or weeks or months. But I’ll come up. And I’ll rise in such a way, that no one will ever need to be there for me again. I plan on coming back so strong, that I never have to rely on anyone for help or support again. I’ll be my own best friend, my own parent, my own support. Because when you think about it, who can you really rely on, 110%, to be there when you absolutely need them, really need them to be there and hold your hand and support you? Yourself. Only yourself. Everyone else is far too busy or far too judgemental to really worry.

Only my opinion, of course.