Breaking Spirit...

What is with people who try and break your spirit just because they are a) stressed out themselves or b) want to make themselves feel better? I have been in such a situation recently. I have been berated for not doing things I have not been asked or guided to do, I am expected to take on a lot more than originally thought and if anything goes wrong, it is my fault. How can people not understand that someone new needs guidance and help? How can one be expected to know everything and do everything right from the beginning, in an unknown environment, where everything is unfamiliar? And the comparisons – oh the comparisons! Comparisons with someone who was oh-so-perfect, someone who obviously made no mistakes ever, and needed absolutely no guidance at all on anything whatsoever. I don’t think so somehow…

It is difficult at the best of times when you have to live in someone’s shadow. When it is someone who is no longer here, it becomes even harder because you know you will never be as good, never be good enough for them because…well, just because you’re not the same as the one who is no longer here. But their spirit always will be there, hovering over you like an annoying shadow that just won’t go away, even in the darkness. And you will never ever, no matter how hard you try, be as good as them. Ever. Period.

So you carry on in the hope that one day, you will be good enough. For someone, somewhere. And that you will finally do what you so love – write.