Happy Monday y'all! I hope everyone enjoyed the sweltering weekend - possibly one of the rare proper summer days we'll get in the year!
It's strange how life brings you back a full 360 degree circle - I was looking through some of my previous entries, and realised I've written about the very subject this post is about (slightly amended) at around the same time last year! How very strange...to think I felt this way at this very time last year, is more than I can fathom...!
Now, this post isn't about marriage - I thought I would clear that up, given the title! This post is to do with what you do when you're on the brink of letting something good happen to you, and you choose to ignore it and not let it happen, for the fear of, for use of a more colloquial term, 'screwing things up'. You don't have to be a psychologist to know that this fear probably stems from the past; past relationships, past situations and past circumstances. You become more wary, more closed, more apprehensive about good things happening, because you're so worried it's going to screw up again.
It's strange how life brings you back a full 360 degree circle - I was looking through some of my previous entries, and realised I've written about the very subject this post is about (slightly amended) at around the same time last year! How very strange...to think I felt this way at this very time last year, is more than I can fathom...!
Now, this post isn't about marriage - I thought I would clear that up, given the title! This post is to do with what you do when you're on the brink of letting something good happen to you, and you choose to ignore it and not let it happen, for the fear of, for use of a more colloquial term, 'screwing things up'. You don't have to be a psychologist to know that this fear probably stems from the past; past relationships, past situations and past circumstances. You become more wary, more closed, more apprehensive about good things happening, because you're so worried it's going to screw up again.
More often than not, we let the Old take over the New; the new found happiness seems borrowed somehow, like you'll have to give it back soon; so you think "I'd better not get too attached, in case I get hurt - again!" We as humans work so hard at protecting ourselves from getting hurt at any cost - especially if we've been hurt in the past - that we forget to live our lives. Actually live rather than just existing. Existing in the fear of getting hurt, of hurting someone, to the point where we shut ourselves away from anything good that might happen or be happening to us. We ignore our feelings because we're too afraid, because it's easier than taking the plunge and risk getting hurt again. And the thing is, there is only a 50 per cent chance of this happening! There is half a chance that you won't actually get hurt, or hurt someone, that you'll actually be happy. This way of thinking can't be conducive to a good living environment, surely?!
And I don't mean a physical living environment either - I mean the one in our heads (or hearts - it all depends on what you think with!), the one environment we can't get away from, no matter how hard we try. There is no place in the world that will take you away from your own thinking space. It follows you around like a shadow - more than a shadow, because a shadow at least disappears in the dark - if anything, these thoughts inside us seem to get worse (for me anyway!) in the dark.
So what do you do? Do you allow the good thing to happen at the risk of getting hurt, or hurting, again? Do you take a chance on that 50 per cent? Or do you stay in your shell, too afraid, too wary of life, of living...of loving?
And I don't mean a physical living environment either - I mean the one in our heads (or hearts - it all depends on what you think with!), the one environment we can't get away from, no matter how hard we try. There is no place in the world that will take you away from your own thinking space. It follows you around like a shadow - more than a shadow, because a shadow at least disappears in the dark - if anything, these thoughts inside us seem to get worse (for me anyway!) in the dark.
So what do you do? Do you allow the good thing to happen at the risk of getting hurt, or hurting, again? Do you take a chance on that 50 per cent? Or do you stay in your shell, too afraid, too wary of life, of living...of loving?
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