Feel very sad at hearing of the death of Amy Winehouse. Not because it was shocking but because it was so avoidable (and unavoidable given what she was doing to herself).
How do you help someone who doesn't love themselves? Her friends and family say she was always looking for love, and when she found it in Blake Fielder-Civil, she was willing to hold on to it no matter what it was doing to her. He introduced her to hard drugs, probably had violent arguments with her and yet she still stuck by him. Luckily for her, she realised he was bad for her and divorced him in 2009 - but she died a whole 2 years after that. How do you explain that? She rid herself of the one thing that was bad for her and still died - 2 years later.
The truth is, when you're in that state of mind where all you crave is love but have been let down by the one person who you thought would be there, your thoughts can become very, self loathing and self destructive - and no one can bring you out of it except - well - you. No matter what the people around you tell you, you'll be in that state of mind until you yourself decide not to be. Sometimes though, the pain is so hard to bear, that the only way out is drink. Or drugs. And eventually, death. LeAnn Rimes hit the nail on the head with her tweet: “Sometimes people’s demons are too hard to fight. I can only imagine her pain. What I imagine that torture is like, makes me hurt.” To find peace within yourself in that mental state, is harder than anyone (who hasn't been through it, either themselves or seen someone else going through it) can ever imagine.
Given what she was doing to her body, her death was inevitable...but what do you remember her for? Her beautiful music and haunting lyrics or her drink and drug-fuelled personal life? The sad thing is, her rock 'n' roll lifestyle probably somewhat contributed to her being such a gifted performer - what kind of an example does that set to her young fans out there? That it's ok to douse your body with drink and drugs as long as you produce great music? It seems the music world has yet to realise the dangers associated with drink and drugs. Just the fact that fans left cigarettes, bottles of vodka (which she apparently "drank like water") and other alcoholic drinks at the shrine outside her flat, perhaps shows that what some people liked most about her was the drug and alcohol-fuelled lifestyle she led, rather than her music. And what a shame too, considering her soulful music was what she lived for...
She paved the way so for many singers - Adele, Lady Gaga, Jessie J - Adele and Lady Gaga even credit her as their one inspiration and for their entry into the music industry. They say they felt better that she was around because it gave them hope for their own dreams and ambitions - knowing someone had opened that door. And so glad we are that she did, because singers like Adele are one in a million - just like Amy.
Maybe it's a good thing for her that she passed away so young. To live in that state of mind, to battle with yourself every single day, is so much harder than most people realise. It's so easy to turn around and say "She did it to herself", "It was her own fault" etc, when you're not in a remotely similar situation. It's so easy to sit there and judge addicts, when addiction is actually an illness. Just imagine for one second, how desperate, how horribly tortured someone like Amy, who had everything going for her, have to be to do that to themselves. Part of Amy's Back to Black lyrics were a chilling, self-fulfilling prophecy:
"You went back to what you knew,
So far removed from all that we went through,
And I tread a troubled track,
My odds are stacked,
I'll go back to black..."
Despite trying so hard to beat her addiction, she "..went back to what [she] knew." And she "...tread a troubled track", "My odds are stacked" - it's like she knew...she knew she was going Back to Black...
I have no words to describe how I feel about her death. So in the very poignant words of Jared Leto: "I feel for her and those closest to her, for the pain of these years and for this tragic ending. It's a heartbreaking loss, not just of an incredibly talented artist, but of a beautiful and blessed young woman in the beginning of her life."
RIP Amy Winehouse.
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