Earlier this year, I saw an old friend at a show I attended and thought I would send a message on Facebook asking after them to see how they were and to say that it was great to see them. So needless to say, when I replied their response two months later, I was stunned. I have been toying with the idea of blogging about it, and didn't want to for wanting to be the bigger person and just letting it go since people like this just really aren't worth it. I didn't want to seem childish or petty by saying, “Look at what this person who I thought was a friend sent to me, in response to my very nice message,” etc. etc. So after much deliberation, I thought it could be a good analytical piece (my English Literature A-Level needs to come in use sometime!)
Yes, I did think this person was a friend, or at the very least, a civilised acquaintance. Considering that when I saw them, they were the ones to say hi first, ask how I was doing and even make a joke about how hungry they were! So I sent a nice, friendly message to ask after them and their family, and said I hoped they were all keeping well. Bearing in mind I at no point asked them to keep in touch with me or even reply to my message, I was rather shocked to have received the below (I have amended it to take all names out and anything which may give away from whom it was, to avoid any conflicts):
Hi Shruti,
Myself and others were surprised to see you [at the show], and my personal opinion is that it wasn't your place to be (at least not openly & backstage) Even if *** says it's OK, I'm saying it's not OK, and definitely not OK to bring the guy you're seeing…
Whilst I have nothing against you personally, and we were close once… So, to be clear I won't be keeping in any contact with you. Saying that, I do wish you well and hope that you find happiness in all areas of your life.
To which I replied:
Hi,
That's an incredibly bitchy thing to say considering you know exactly [what happened]. Leaving that aside, I bought two tickets for the show for me and my friend Aditi, which were very kindly comp’ed to us, for which I said thank you. I also confirmed about coming backstage to see the kids I used to teach and say good luck. As for my FRIEND, he and another friend actually spent 6 months writing skits for the show, for which they were also comp’ed tickets as they put their own time in for that. That was a separate arrangement, nothing to do with me. They both came along to the show. Not that I should have to justify any of this to you or anyone else. I suggest you get your facts straight before you throw baseless accusations around.
I have no interest in keeping contact with you either if this is the rubbish I'm going to get…it's a shame because [it’s] despite everything you know and despite how close we used to be. [Also] despite everything, I chose to message you to see how you were doing, only to get your awful reply back. I wish I hadn't now. You don't wish me the best for anything - at least don't lie, if nothing else.
Shruti
PS. You may or may not have noticed that my name was in the programme in the acknowledgements at the back. I was also invited to be a part of the show which I politely declined because I wanted to avoid drama like this. My coming to the show was my way of being gracious and acknowledging this, and to put the past behind. Clearly you and the 'others' have not quite grasped this concept as yet. I pray you do one day because living in bitterness and holding grudges all the time must get rather exhausting.
Of course, I received a reply and replied back, which I won’t post here for the fear of starting another war of words. Plus, I don’t see the point considering I was wished well (again!) and told that I and my family would not be ignored if we ever ran into each other (how gracious!) and the only reason they would not be keeping in ‘special contact’ with me was due to where their loyalties lay. Which I understand completely, and as mentioned before, did not expect them to, so I politely replied to say they then shouldn't have messaged me back at all, let alone two months later, and certainly should not have been so nasty if they had nothing nice to say. I am not going to force anyone to stay in touch with me if they don’t want to, but, by the same token, do not expect such rubbish years after a situation has passed.
I think what some people don’t realise (or maybe they do, and this was a deliberate attempt to cause hurt) is how their words can affect others. Especially when baseless accusations are thrown around and judgements are passed without even knowing the full story. I’m not really sure of what the moral of this story is, except, don’t jump to the most obvious conclusion and don’t judge people without knowing the full story. And certainly don’t have a blind sense of loyalty to anyone – you may find you get burnt by this very thing one day. You just never know when people might surprise you and change completely.
Yes, I did think this person was a friend, or at the very least, a civilised acquaintance. Considering that when I saw them, they were the ones to say hi first, ask how I was doing and even make a joke about how hungry they were! So I sent a nice, friendly message to ask after them and their family, and said I hoped they were all keeping well. Bearing in mind I at no point asked them to keep in touch with me or even reply to my message, I was rather shocked to have received the below (I have amended it to take all names out and anything which may give away from whom it was, to avoid any conflicts):
Hi Shruti,
Myself and others were surprised to see you [at the show], and my personal opinion is that it wasn't your place to be (at least not openly & backstage) Even if *** says it's OK, I'm saying it's not OK, and definitely not OK to bring the guy you're seeing…
Whilst I have nothing against you personally, and we were close once… So, to be clear I won't be keeping in any contact with you. Saying that, I do wish you well and hope that you find happiness in all areas of your life.
To which I replied:
Hi,
That's an incredibly bitchy thing to say considering you know exactly [what happened]. Leaving that aside, I bought two tickets for the show for me and my friend Aditi, which were very kindly comp’ed to us, for which I said thank you. I also confirmed about coming backstage to see the kids I used to teach and say good luck. As for my FRIEND, he and another friend actually spent 6 months writing skits for the show, for which they were also comp’ed tickets as they put their own time in for that. That was a separate arrangement, nothing to do with me. They both came along to the show. Not that I should have to justify any of this to you or anyone else. I suggest you get your facts straight before you throw baseless accusations around.
I have no interest in keeping contact with you either if this is the rubbish I'm going to get…it's a shame because [it’s] despite everything you know and despite how close we used to be. [Also] despite everything, I chose to message you to see how you were doing, only to get your awful reply back. I wish I hadn't now. You don't wish me the best for anything - at least don't lie, if nothing else.
Shruti
PS. You may or may not have noticed that my name was in the programme in the acknowledgements at the back. I was also invited to be a part of the show which I politely declined because I wanted to avoid drama like this. My coming to the show was my way of being gracious and acknowledging this, and to put the past behind. Clearly you and the 'others' have not quite grasped this concept as yet. I pray you do one day because living in bitterness and holding grudges all the time must get rather exhausting.
Of course, I received a reply and replied back, which I won’t post here for the fear of starting another war of words. Plus, I don’t see the point considering I was wished well (again!) and told that I and my family would not be ignored if we ever ran into each other (how gracious!) and the only reason they would not be keeping in ‘special contact’ with me was due to where their loyalties lay. Which I understand completely, and as mentioned before, did not expect them to, so I politely replied to say they then shouldn't have messaged me back at all, let alone two months later, and certainly should not have been so nasty if they had nothing nice to say. I am not going to force anyone to stay in touch with me if they don’t want to, but, by the same token, do not expect such rubbish years after a situation has passed.
I think what some people don’t realise (or maybe they do, and this was a deliberate attempt to cause hurt) is how their words can affect others. Especially when baseless accusations are thrown around and judgements are passed without even knowing the full story. I’m not really sure of what the moral of this story is, except, don’t jump to the most obvious conclusion and don’t judge people without knowing the full story. And certainly don’t have a blind sense of loyalty to anyone – you may find you get burnt by this very thing one day. You just never know when people might surprise you and change completely.
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