Yes, I'm sure you can tell from this blog entry that it's going to be negative. But as I haven't been negative in a while, I'm sure it's allowed this one time!
I'm frustrated because people are just so damn two-faced! All nice to you one minute and nasty the next. Sometimes I talk and I swear the aforementioned people just ignore me, pretend not to have heard, even if they're sitting right in front of me! Like nothing I have to say is important. But they seem to hear something someone says from the other side of the room...! Some people are so self-absorbed!! All "me, me, me"! It just makes me SO mad and feeling hurt that once again, I don't seem to fit in anywhere, once again, I just have to blend into the background and keep my mouth shut and keep my frustrations to myself. Feels like being back at school all over again with b*****d bullies who try to make you feel stupid and pathetic just so they can feel good about themselves!!
AAARRRGGHHHH!!
Rant over.
In regards to your rant, don’t worry about it, I can sympathise with you.
ReplyDeleteFrom your posts, is seems to me a lot of what you have gone through and are going through, is so similar to myself.
Growing up, I was bullied! If it wasn’t because of race, it would be because of something else. Primary school and secondary school, both were so very frustrating. But, the harshness came from the fact that the bullying wasn’t only from distant individuals at the schools, but from your ‘closet friends’ too. Even with the jests, the ignorance, the exclusion, I kept with these friends.
So often, there would be topics of discussion, and as I provided my input, it would either be ignored or cast aside. I bet you can imagine, the spitefulness and hurt. You begin to question, do I matter? And I too felt as though I didn’t.
I felt as though I didn’t fit in, that I was not understood. But I kept with these friends still. Growing up we all believe we must surround ourselves with a large circle of friends. I was naive! I’m not ashamed to admit. It’s not the number of friends we have that’s important, but how good natured the few friends we have are.
By college, I had let all the bad ones know their services were no longer rendered necessary. lol
And from that day forth life had been amazing.
Everything has a purpose, and within the purpose there is a lesson to be learnt. I learnt I can be happy by myself, doing the things I love; listening to music, reading (and reading and reading...), writing, health, the arts.
I learnt not to surround myself with those who thrust negativity upon me. The individuals I hive space for in my life are those that allow me to grow, to become better, not those that force me to take a step backwards.
I really appreciate the person I have become, I just wish I had initially done it for me, rather than for them.
I hope my empathy helps. And remember you’re an amazing human being, better in so many ways than all of these b*****d bullies. You have great traits and so much to offer this world. Don’t let these few individuals ruin your enjoyment of life.
Take care now.