"What was she wearing at the time?"
"Was she drunk?"
"She was out pretty late - and walking home alone in the dark."
"It all depends on how women conduct themselves when out. If you're careful, it won't happen."
And the best (worst) one: "...particularly bearing in mind the type of underwear that you had on at the time." (Spanx - body-shaping hosiery)
Having recently discussed this topic with a number of people, I'm slightly surprised that I didn't think to write about it. Inspired by Stylist magazine's recent article on the same topic, I decided to pen my own take on an age-old dilemma facing women: rape, sexual harassment and victim blaming in these cases.
They're all asking for it. Isn't that what the above sentences imply? That any woman dressed 'provocatively', drinking, coming home late at night, and apparently even wearing Spanx, have it coming if they get raped or sexually assaulted. When a girl is growing up, she is told to "be careful", "watch what you wear", "take self defence classes", "carry pepper spray/alarmed keyrings", etc, etc.
But despite these warnings, new figures have shown a rise in sexual offences recorded by the police and an alarming drop in the rate of convictions. 129 fewer rape suspects were convicted in 2013 than the year before and the number of cases referred to prosecutors for charging has dropped by more than a third since 2011.
Throw into the above sentences the infamous "she was lying drunk on a pavement" argument by UKIP's Roger Kelmer and the question arises: can we really blame women for not coming forward, for not wanting to talk about and report rape and sexual harassment, when society seems to largely blame them for the crime, consciously or subconsciously? (Mr Kelmer even likened it to people being more likely to be burgled if they left their front door unlocked whilst on holiday - charming!)
By all means warn girls and tell them to be careful and safe. Heck, tell boys too (it does happen!) However, where is the education for boys and men NOT to rape? Where does that start from? The home, school or somewhere else? Whether a girl is wearing a short skirt/dress or not, whether she is drunk or not, coming home at two in the morning or not, the bottom like is, she should not be raped or sexually assaulted. Ever. It is never ok, and it is NEVER her fault - always the perpetrator's! But victim-blaming puts the power firmly back into the perpetrator's hands and gives them excuse after excuse to continue committing the crime.
I would love to see tougher laws passed for rape convicts than just a few years in jail - I would happily watch these people (especially serial offenders) suffer the torture a rape survivor goes through. On the flip side, I would love to see more education given to boys and young men on rape - yes we all know it's wrong and we assume that it's implied - but it still happens and is on the rise. Boys (and girls) should be taught to channel their sexual frustrations and energies in a more positive manner.
Most of all, I would love to see the victim blaming and shaming to stop. If we all stood by a woman after something like this had happened to her and cleansed society of the need to blame her, we would take away the power of sex offenders. They would stop believing that it's ok to do this to someone. The survivors would get the power back. Right now, by blaming the women involved, not only are we taking away their power to do anything about it, we're giving the power right back to those who did it, telling them that if a woman is wearing a short something, out late, drunk or some other excuse, she is asking to be raped. She isn't. We need to take away the power from the hands of the perpetrators and put it back in the hands of the survivors to help them fight and become stronger as a result of it. Until society learns that and ingrains into every fibre of its being, rape and sexual assaults will continue to happen. Until we take the power away from those who commit the crime, the crime will continue to be committed.
*I am aware that sexual crimes happen against men and boys also. Statistically, more men commit these crimes against women than women do against men - but of course, this education needs to be passed on to girls too. It works both ways.
"Was she drunk?"
"She was out pretty late - and walking home alone in the dark."
"It all depends on how women conduct themselves when out. If you're careful, it won't happen."
And the best (worst) one: "...particularly bearing in mind the type of underwear that you had on at the time." (Spanx - body-shaping hosiery)
Having recently discussed this topic with a number of people, I'm slightly surprised that I didn't think to write about it. Inspired by Stylist magazine's recent article on the same topic, I decided to pen my own take on an age-old dilemma facing women: rape, sexual harassment and victim blaming in these cases.
They're all asking for it. Isn't that what the above sentences imply? That any woman dressed 'provocatively', drinking, coming home late at night, and apparently even wearing Spanx, have it coming if they get raped or sexually assaulted. When a girl is growing up, she is told to "be careful", "watch what you wear", "take self defence classes", "carry pepper spray/alarmed keyrings", etc, etc.
But despite these warnings, new figures have shown a rise in sexual offences recorded by the police and an alarming drop in the rate of convictions. 129 fewer rape suspects were convicted in 2013 than the year before and the number of cases referred to prosecutors for charging has dropped by more than a third since 2011.
Throw into the above sentences the infamous "she was lying drunk on a pavement" argument by UKIP's Roger Kelmer and the question arises: can we really blame women for not coming forward, for not wanting to talk about and report rape and sexual harassment, when society seems to largely blame them for the crime, consciously or subconsciously? (Mr Kelmer even likened it to people being more likely to be burgled if they left their front door unlocked whilst on holiday - charming!)
By all means warn girls and tell them to be careful and safe. Heck, tell boys too (it does happen!) However, where is the education for boys and men NOT to rape? Where does that start from? The home, school or somewhere else? Whether a girl is wearing a short skirt/dress or not, whether she is drunk or not, coming home at two in the morning or not, the bottom like is, she should not be raped or sexually assaulted. Ever. It is never ok, and it is NEVER her fault - always the perpetrator's! But victim-blaming puts the power firmly back into the perpetrator's hands and gives them excuse after excuse to continue committing the crime.
I would love to see tougher laws passed for rape convicts than just a few years in jail - I would happily watch these people (especially serial offenders) suffer the torture a rape survivor goes through. On the flip side, I would love to see more education given to boys and young men on rape - yes we all know it's wrong and we assume that it's implied - but it still happens and is on the rise. Boys (and girls) should be taught to channel their sexual frustrations and energies in a more positive manner.
Most of all, I would love to see the victim blaming and shaming to stop. If we all stood by a woman after something like this had happened to her and cleansed society of the need to blame her, we would take away the power of sex offenders. They would stop believing that it's ok to do this to someone. The survivors would get the power back. Right now, by blaming the women involved, not only are we taking away their power to do anything about it, we're giving the power right back to those who did it, telling them that if a woman is wearing a short something, out late, drunk or some other excuse, she is asking to be raped. She isn't. We need to take away the power from the hands of the perpetrators and put it back in the hands of the survivors to help them fight and become stronger as a result of it. Until society learns that and ingrains into every fibre of its being, rape and sexual assaults will continue to happen. Until we take the power away from those who commit the crime, the crime will continue to be committed.
*I am aware that sexual crimes happen against men and boys also. Statistically, more men commit these crimes against women than women do against men - but of course, this education needs to be passed on to girls too. It works both ways.
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